You're Not Getting What You Pay For

Rejoice Fellow Haters, I have returned! Welcome back to the Locker, thanks for visiting. I have Misssed yooouuuu(spoken as Smith from The Matrix Revolutions) It's been awhile, but don't think it's because I ran out of stuff to hate on. Quite the contrary, I'll be doing a LOT of catching up over the next several weeks. I hope you enjoy the ride. So what is it that has pulled me out of the abyss of blogger limbo(blogger-tory?)? It started one night driving past the Wiltern Theatre in Los Angeles. the Marquee was of course plugging whoever it was that would be there next, but what Caught my attention was the words directly beneath the Headliner's name: VIP EXPERIENCE: $ After the colon was a ridiculous number. Realizing that number represented a dollar amount I actually swerved a little bit(apologies to the biker). So Let me get this straight. You'll pay several hundred dollars more than what is already a REEALLY high ticket price to have a "VIP Experience"? You know what? I can't even call this bullshit. Calling this bullshit is an insult to bullshit. This is beneath bullshit, this is monkey piss. The VIP Experience is a phrase you see a lot more often these days; the actual experience can vary from venue to venue, including but not limited to anything from pre-seating, premier seating, heightened level of service(drinks, hors de oveurs, Lobster, whatever), perhaps a meet-and-greet with the performer before or after the show. Now the idea of backstage passes is nothing new, but the reference to the "VIP Experience" is(relatively). The difference is the focus. Got a backstage pass? You get to meet someone special. You're getting a VIP experience? the focus shifts to YOU. All of a sudden, YOU'RE the special one. Except, um, no you're not. Once again, it's all about you...I've talked before about why this attitude is really lame. Let me hip all you VIP-experience-wanting monkey pissers out there to exactly what you're in for. You'll be shoved into a room down the hall from the stage with several other of your ilk, someone will hand you a half glass of cheap merlot(it'll probably be watered down)and call you sir. Bet that makes you feel special huh? Then Tom Petty(just picked a name out of a hat)will shuffle in, shake your hand, maybe offer a grin and say "thanks for comin'....." Moments later he will leave that room and promptly resume being completely unaware of your existence. Congratulations, you just became Chun Li in this scene: That's right, you just paid what for some people is a month's worth of paycheck, and it had about as much impact on Mick Jagger as the flier some street teamer put on your windshield outside the bar. You have a vague recollection of it, but only as something dealt with for the briefest of moments, then you continue with your actual life. Don't let the watered down two-buck chuck fool you my friend, you are Yanni's windshield flier. Here's what I hope folks will start to realize before they pull out that Black card: Paying for A VIP experience changes your social status as much as paying for the "girlfriend experience" changes your relationship status. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. Special very seldom stands on a wallet. Special isn't legigimized by 18 seconds of flesh-pressing with Bruce Springsteen. Special people ain't thinking about Bruce in terms of their special-ness. Sit down, shut up and enjoy the concert. Rid yourself of this pathological need to have everybody fellate-sturbate your ego. Very Important People don't pay to be(or to feel, or to make other people think they are)special. They just are. Important people do important things. Hey, here's an Idea: Want to be a VIP? Do something very important. Find someone to help. Teach someone how to help themselves. Provide a solution for a problem outside of your own little fortress of entitlement. The first step in being important is to stop pretending you are. The second step is to stop trying to convince others that you are. If you are, those who need to know will know. You can't BUY special; you can only BE special.